Episode Ten - Coyotes

Ezra lays out the pros and cons of hound hunting, a method used to control the local coyote population, which is gaining popularity.  This practice has stirred some controversy in Vermont, and Ezra attempts to give both sides their due before finally stating his own position in no uncertain terms.

AUTHOR'S NOTE --- I’ve been wrestling with the prospect of this episode’s publication for weeks.  Months.  Ezra Speaks is a bit of an oddity in the podcast ecosystem.  I’ve assigned the series to the “fiction” category, but my impression is that most podcasts fall into the broad category of non-fiction, and I suspect many of my listeners, without thinking about it all that much, receive this series as non-fiction.   

It’s true I’ve borrowed from my own life in Vermont for this series, but I’ve planted those details in the life of a character named Ezra who is different from me in many ways.  I’m a relative newcomer to Vermont, having arrived four years ago.  Ezra on the other hand has lived in Vermont for 45 years, after serving in the United States Air Force.  He has two children plus a few grandchildren.  And he  probably voted for Trump.  That’s not me. Not even close.  Ezra and I may have a few things in common on the micro level, but at the macro level we are very different creatures.  And that’s the way I wanted it.

I undertook this project for a host of reasons, the most altruistic of which was to extend a hand across the ever-widening gap --- more like an abyss, lately --- between the red and the blue.  So far as some of my friends and extended family back home are concerned, I’ve been out on an ill advised limb for a long time.  And even before Trump was re-elected in November 2024, and post-electoral analysis was instructing us liberals to get better acquainted with the right and their grievances, I had been feeling the need to find some common ground.  Ezra became my olive branch.

But that’s not necessarily how Ezra Speaks will be received.  We’re now a little more than halfway through this series of 15 episodes, and Ezra’s biases, laced with a dose of paranoia, will begin playing a larger part, making his pronouncements increasingly hard to accept.  For some, at least.  (There are others who would welcome Ezra’s increasingly aggressive manner, but I doubt they’re listening.) 

So why have I invested so much time and energy in a character with whom many of my listeners might disagree?  Like I said, undertaking this project represented to me an opportunity to reach across the cultural divide that has led to so much hostility in our communities and country.  I wanted Ezra to be charming enough, amusing enough, that people would enjoy listening to him, but who was more complicated than that gregarious part of his personality.  I wanted to strain the boundaries of compatibility.  Not something easy for me to do, as I am one of those who tends to feel awfully uncomfortable when I realize I’ve said or done something to offend (although I’m sure some of my friends and acquaintances would dispute this).  But I had to give Ezra the freedom to express some opinions that I don't share if my attempt to understand was to have any meaning at all.   

So, as Ezra begins to show what I consider to be his darker side in these later episodes, I want to remind my listeners that he’s a character.  That Ezra Speaks is not a diary.  Not my diary, anyway.  And besides, Ezra’s commentary is pretty tame when compared to what’s being spewed forth these days by some right-wing media.  It might have been fairer to say “extremist right wing media,” but given the current G.O.P.’s support of Trump, whether passive or active, “extremist right wing” would be redundant.

Transcript

Episode Ten:  Coyotes

Old Dog Blue, second verse ---

Had an old dog and his name was blue
You know Blue was mighty true
You know Blue was a good ol’ dog
Blue treed a possum in a hollow log
You can know from that he’s a good ol’ dog

Ezra:  Okay…we had a rough night here last night.  [Sound of dog’s tummy gurgling.] Our dog’s stomach’s kind o’ sensitive, and, uh…yeah, there…um…every once in a while it acts up so when, when this happens, like it did, last night, we don’t get much sleep.  I’ve been waitin’ for his stomach to quiet down so I can record but, he just keeps gurglin’ so I, I think maybe we’ll just have to, uh…see how it goes…   

Uh, we're gonna talk about, uh…coyotes, here today…because there's been a lot of talk here, lately, about the, uh, the ethics of huntin’ coyotes. Not, not, just the methods but, the means, the purpose, the, uh…the intention, uh, so that's, that's somethin’ to talk about.

Now, I have to admit there's a dilemma here, I don't think there’s a black and white to this one. Uhhhmm, I think there are some, uh, there's somethin’ to both sides of this argument. Coyotes are gettin’ --- there's more of ‘em every year, is the thing, and uh, they uh, there's more of ‘em, they get, they get bolder, they get hungrier, they get noisi --- damn, here, a couple a, well, I don't know, it was before, it was just, it was just startin’ to get cold --- I don't know what the hell they do all winter, but --- anyway, last fall, my wife and I were --- oh, yeah, yeah, you know what, I’m gonna have to stop sayin’ my wife, uh, ‘cause she says to me, Janine, Janine says to me the other day, “I do have a name, you know,”…so, um, so Janine, and I, sometimes we wake up in the middle of the night, and we hear ‘em,  they're like, [sound of dog’s tummy gurgling] it's like some goddamn party out there in the field, they're just screamin’ and hollerin’ and yelpin’ and whelpin’ and, uh, you know, they like the moon, I guess, uh, that kind of activates ‘em…yeah, well, no, no comments from the peanut gallery, okay…mm-hm…uh, but, but the racket, you know, that's, that’s not, we can live with that, but, but the farmers, some of ‘em, are sayin’ that the, the coyotes are a threat to the livestock and, uh, and all that, so they want to, they want to destroy them, one way or the other.  So that’s, that’s what's been goin’ on here, these last, uh, last few years, really, there's been a growing interest, and growing enthusiasm, if you will, to, uh…in Hound Hunting. You can get a pack of hounds, and you get ‘em all riled up on the scent of coyote and you let ‘em go. And there, there's, there, there are a lot of people in an uproar about this. There's the state legislature thinkin’ about tryin’ to outlaw it or regulate it, this hound hunting, either they're gonna regulate it or, they're gonna try and outlaw it altogether.  Now, the case, the case against hound hunting --- well, there are, there ae a couple things. Apparently not all the, the people who have hounds, uh, they, they can’t control ‘em and, you know, they can't, they can’t call ’em back necessarily, so, so, so you know, the hounds get out ahead of the, uh, the handler, and, uh, then they do stuff, they do stuff, I mean, they don't just go after coyotes, they go after other dogs. They've, they've threatened a few, uh, civilians.  Just a couple o’ weeks ago, had a, had a woman ridin’ her bike here, when the weather warmed up, and the, and the hounds took after her. ‘Course she had little Fifi up there in a basket on the handlebars, so the hounds probably…yeah, found that pretty interesting. Uh, I don't, I don't think anybody's been injured by these hounds, but there, there's been some people scared shitless bein’ cornered by these packs of dogs. And I don't --- man, [sound of dog’s tummy gurgling] I don't blame ‘em. You know, you got a half a dozen hounds barkin’ up your ass, yuuuff, that's a, well, that’s a scary proposition.  ‘Course most of the people, uh, most of the people that oppose these, uh, oppose this hound hunting, they-uh, they're also against guns, they're anti-gun so… [chuckle]…you know, if the hound, if the hounds want the cat, they're gonna take the cat. And, uh, and the hounds they don't, they don't give a shit about property lines, you know, the hunter might, might have permission to hunt on one property, but, uh, you know, the hounds get excited, they take off, they may cross any number of property lines, and there are a lot of owners that don't give permission, they don't want to give permission to that kind of hunting, so they want, you know, [sound of dog’s tummy gurgling] they wanna know what the hell are these packs doin’ on their property, you know, they don’t, they don’t, they didn't give anybody permission to hunt on their property, so that's a problem. And then there's what, uh, you know, uh, uh, what happens if a, if a coyote, the coyote ---or sorry, no, not the coyote --- would you be quiet, please --- if the hound, the pack, actually gets to the coyote, uh, that is not pretty, no, no, no, that is not pretty. That's a, that's a bloody mess is what that is. And there are some folks upset about that. And then there’s this thing, uh, they call it denning, which is, you know, killin’ coyote pups in their den, and that’s got some folks…pretty heated up.  Which is interesting, you know, ‘cause, uh, I’m pretty sure some of these folks yellin’ about, uh, killin’ pups in their den, they are also pro-abortion, so I, I just find that…you know, kind of interesting.  Anyway, so that’s uh, that’s kinda the, the one side, that's, uh, I guess that's what you, you would call the liberal side of the argument.  Thee-uh, thee-uh conservative side of the argument goes somethin’ like this, uh… [chuckle]…well, I can sum it up in two words. Bleep you. That's, that's the conservative argument. There are people have been livin’ here, their families, for, well, some of ‘em, for generations. They've been huntin’, all their lives, that's how all their, that's all their, how their relatives do, that's all their, their ancestors did, that's that's that's just part of their way of life. Even, you know, because for some of ‘em, that's how they put meat on the table, by hunting, uh, the local wildlife, including coyotes, believe it or not.  Some families, they eat parts of the coyote.  Even, uh, you know, they’ll make the pelt, you know, make belts and slippers and stuff.  And then there’s, you know, the so-called experts always like to get involved.  They supposedly study this stuff, and they like to point out, that the surviving coyotes are healthier, and can find more food.  Which makes sense, but anyway, some of the folks up here, they’ve been doin’ this for a long time, and they do not like being told what they can and cannot do.  Especially, especially if the folks who are tryin’ to stop ‘em are wealthy. And have nice fancy properties.  And have friends in the state legislature. That is a red flag. That is a red flag. And, uh, then it becomes, well, you know, you know what it be-, becomes, it's another class thing. Yeah, it's no longer pro-coyote and anti-coyote, it's, it's, it’s just the people versus the rich bastards.  Now, like I said, that, that, that formulation is, uh, it sounds rather black and white but, personally I don’t think it's that simple. I think there are, there is a little, there is a little somethin’ to both sides of the argument, and, uh --- here's the thing, though, here's the thing that tips the scale for me. Tips the scale, uh, in the favor of the hunters. Thee-uh, the hand --- the peop --- men, men, it's always men, who handle these packs…these men…are kind of pissed off. I mean, in-in-in general, as a rule, they are pissed off, and they're almost always looking for one way or another to-uh, to express that. And…sometimes that expression happens in the home. By which I mean, takin’ it out on the kids, or, uh, takin’ it out on the wife. Whatever her name is.  I'm not sayin’ they necessarily beat their children or that they beat their wives, I'm not sayin’ that-that-that's necessarily the case. I'm just sayin’, that when these guys are allowed to go out, and hunt, and track, and kill, that’s usually good news for the folks back home.

That aggression, that malice, that ferocity that these guys have got inside ‘em, it's gottta come, it's gotta come out, one way or the other. So, the question is, where’s it, where’s it goin’ to, how’s it, how’s it, [sound of dog snoring] gonna be directed, who’s gonna be the victim of this aggression? It's my opinion, uh, it’s my opinion that, you know, a few coyotes can take the hit. And make things a little, a little safer at home. ‘Cause like I said, it's gonna come one way or the other.  Just how these people…how these people are --- my dog’s snorin’. Jesus, oh, this must be boring. I’m talkin’ about dogs, I’m talkin’ about huntin’, and he's just, he's just sawin’ the log. Well, I-oohh hope that's not what’s happenin’ to my audience but I never know, ‘cause I'm sittin’ here alone in my, in my livin’ room. [Chuckle] It’s the weirdest damned thing. I really, I almost…most always feel like I’m just talkin’ to myself. Well, that's all I do, that's how I fee-that's how, that’s my experience.  I don't know who's listenin’ to me, I mean I know, all I know is I keep gettin’, you know, I keep gettin’ these messages, I keep gettin’ this feedback. I think, Jesus, there's people out there listenin’ to this, [sound of dog snoring] so I better…yeah, I’ve gotta keep the faith, even though, even though the dog’s snorin’.  [Beat.]  These people…uh, the ones doin’ all this yellin’ about, about the hounds huntin’ the coyotes, they, they don’t, they want to turn this part of the country into the goddamn suburbs. They want it nice and quiet and clean. No fuss. They're not in, in tune with their environment. They may think they are. That’s just a fantasy.  The people who’ve lived here and worked here, hunted here, fished here, camped here, went broke here, went hungry here, got family in the graveyard --- they're the ones who are in tune with their environment, and they're not afraid to show it. They're more, they’re more a part of the natural world than those rich white assholes sittin’ up there on the top of their private hills with their two-mile lanes up to their circular driveway --- that's not life in the country. That's life in a country manor, and we’re not supposed to have that sort of shit in this country. Of course we do, we do, we've got it all over the country. And they're the ones that are gonna tell us how to live? I don't think so…hm-hm…I don’t think so…[chuckle]…they better be careful. They better be careful. Somebody, somebody’s gonna steal their underwear, and the hounds’ll be on them. [chuckle] Oh, I’d like to see that, I would, I’d like to see one of those… presumptuous bastards runnin’ across the field with the hounds on their ass…

Old Dog Blue, fifth verse ---

Ol’ Blue’s feets was big an’ round
Ol’ Blue’s feets was big an’ round
Never ‘lowed a possum to touch the ground
Me and Blue went out on a hunt
Blue treed a possum in a hollow stump
You know Blue was a good ol’ dog
Blue treed a possum in a hollow log
You can know from that he’s a good ol’ dog