Episode Eight: Dijon Pants
In the Bleak Midwinter (Rossetti/Holst), first verse --
In the bleak midwinter
Frosty wind made moan
Earth stood hard as iron
Water like a stone
Snow had fallen snow on snow
Snow on snow on snow
In the bleak midwinter
Long, long ago
Ezra: Well, not so long ago, actually. (Chuckles) Not the cold part, anyway. It’s been a little skimpy here on the snow side this winter but, temperature-wise, whoa!
And I know, I know, I know, I’m, uh, I just broke my rule about sad Christmas music, but this, uh, this Bleak Midwinter number’s a, it’s a good example of what I was talkin’ about, and it is pretty apt for this time of year so I thought I’d just, you know, give you a little taste.
So, yeah, it’s cold here this mornin’. Been that way now for the past couple of weeks. Droppin’ below, well, way below zero, most nights, so…yeah, if you hear my teeth chatterin’ that's what that's about. Uh, it's been a cold winter, so far. Much colder than, than last, uh, last winter, yeah. Uh, we got a neighbor here over on the next hill, he’s, uh, he's got problems with frozen pipes. We haven't had a problem with that now for a, for a long time, knock on wood, I, I think I got that figured out, but you never know. But this, uh, this, this, this neighbor of ours, across the way, he, uh, he's got these frozen pipes. He, uh --- so he recently, he converted his barn, the barn he built, um, he converted that into his home. His, his son-n’-family wanted to, to move, they wanted to move out of Brooklyn --- can't blame ‘em --- and he, he offered them the house and he said he would move into the barn. And that's what he did, he, uh, he converted the barn into his living quarters, and, uh, he was, he there last winter, he got by fine, but this winter he's got frozen pipes…yeah…I'm…I’m a little surprised, actually, ‘cause he's, uh, he's been up here for a while, you know, and, uh, and makin’ his living as a carpenter mostly, so he should know…better, uh…but anyway, he showed me these, uh, these kind o’, these little wooden enclosures he'd made, to house, uh, the water pipes, because he knew the, the original exterior wall of the barn --- well, it wasn't, the barn wasn't built for human occupancy, it’s the, that exterior wall, it’s kind of thin and, uh, it just, it would never work to put a, to put a pipe in that kind of wall, so he built these enclosures on the inside of the wall, for the pipes, and he thought he had it licked, but it's not workin’. So he's got the whole place tore apart, and, uh, you know, he's wrappin’ the pipes with these electric coils, which will, uh, probably keep the pipes warm, but it’ll also increase the odds of havin’ the place burn down one of these days, so that's the bargain he struck. [Chuckle] Yeah…hm…how did I get into my neighbor's barn…uh, oh, yeah, it's cold, it's cold, it’s cold here this mornin’, yeah, but that, that's just my intro, I'm not gonna talk about the weather, uh, well, anymore. Uh, I wanna, I wanna talk about, uh, I wanna talk about men's pants…mm-hm…I was, uh, I was, I was lookin’ through this catalog, uh, the other day, looked kind of interesting. Weh --- most of it was really, you know, too fancy for my taste, but I, I did come across these, uh, these nice lookin’ canvas pants. More expensive than I’m used to payin’ for canvas pants, but they were nice lookin’, good for church, and so on. So I, I, uh, checked out the color options down there at the bottom and it turns out the, uh, the color I kind of liked, was called Di-Jon. So, I figured, I figured at first, well, that's a typo. But, but, but then I thought, well, wait a minute, a typo? A typo for what? What, what word [Chuckle] did they want that to be? So I looked at the other colors, you know, and they were, they were all pretty weird, too, so I figured, okay, maybe this isn't a typo, maybe this is a, it’s a word I don't know. So, uh, so I asked the wife and, um --- oh, uh, oopsie…oopsie there, I’m supposed to stop sayin’ that, “the wife,” ‘cause, uh, sometimes, my wife, not the wife, my wife overhears me recordin’, and she, she hears me say the wife, and she doesn’t care for it, and she lets me know about it, so…so anyway, I asked my wife, and she said Di-jon --- and I know, I know I'm not, I'm not pronouncin’ it right, and I don't give a shit --- Di-Jon's a kind of mustard from France. And, uh, so I said to her, mustard, huh? She said, yeah. [Chuckle] So I said, Why do you suppose that is? And, uh, well, she said maybe the color looks like mustard, and I said, uhhh, I doubt it, ‘cause I, I never ate any mustard this color. So, she comes over and looks at the picture, right, says, she says, well, that looks like brown mustard, you eat yellow mustard, so…so I say, well then why, why don't they just say brown mustard? And she says, how does that sound to you…brown mustard? I said, well, it sounds okay to me…[sound of car passing by]…plus I'd know what they were talkin’ about.
You know what this is about, don't you? This is a class thing. Callin’ canvas pants some French name, that’s how companies try to get into the heads of workin’ class people, who want to be upper class people, and I know these people exist, they’re, they’re just workin’ stiffs who want to move up, which they can't, so they do it in their dreams by buyin’ pants with French names. But most of the workin’ people I know…you know…the honest ones…they see somethin’ like this in a catalog, they say, bleep off. [Chuckle] I'm not buyin’ this French shit. No, no…let’s keep it simple, people…yeah…all right, so I’m gonna ask you to indulge me, one more time, uh, and let me finish off that tune I, I opened up with, okay…all right…
In the Bleak Midwinter, final verse ---
What can I give him
Poor that I am?
If I were a shepherd
I would give a lamb
If I were a wise man
I would do my part
Yet what can I give him?
I will give my heart
