Episode Five: The Birds
James Alley Blues, sixth verse ---
I give you sugar for sugar but you give salt for salt
I give you sugar for sugar but you give salt for salt
And if you can't get along with me, it's your own damn fault”
Ezra: Good morning, people. Uh, this mornin’ I would like, uh…so I'm gonna attempt to, uh --- I'm takin’ a chance here, is what it amounts to, um, so I’ve decided that I’m, I’m gonna tell you all, all you people who I don’t even know, most of you, I can’t see you, I don’t know who you are, I just, you know, I get the impression that you’re payin’ attention, so thank you very much for that. Anyway, I’m gonna share, with you friendly strangers, a story that I don’t ever talk about, you know, with my friends and family.
A lot, a lot of people, they don’t know --- or at least they didn’t used to until I mentioned it here, a while back that, uh, I'm, I’m, I’m now well into my second marriage. And it's a good one, I'm happy to report. We're very happy together, ummm, yeah, but I wasn't so lucky the first go round. My first wife, uh, well, wonderful woman, and, uh, but she, uh, she kind of went south on me, uh…we'd been married a couple of years, and, uh, we’d done a few drugs, and, uh, that was fun, until it wasn't fun, anymore. My…wife started takin’ more drugs than was good for her --- I don't know if they’re, you know, if drugs are ever good for you, probably not, but you know what I mean, she was overdoin’ it. And we got into a big tussle over this, uh, and she, she got help and, uh, and she, she knocked it off, she did, she knocked it off, so we were both, we were both clean. But then, but then she --- her behavior --- it started, it took this turn, and…and I didn't…I didn't know what to do about it. I don’t’ think she was usin’, I really, I don’t, but she was drivin’ me crazy. This thing started happenin’, you know, I'd, I'd, well I'd wake up in the morning, and I'd, I’d find her sittin’ in a chair by the window. She'd be, uh, lookin’ out, just kind of froze, starin’ out the window. And when --- so I’d ask her what what what what she was doin’ there, and she would --- at first she’d just say, “Well, I'm just thinking, I couldn't sleep, I just decided to get up, and, um, I'm just sitting here, I’m thinking, that's all.” But this behavior continued, and, and, ahhhh, I continued to find her in the morning, sittin’ in this chair, starin’ out the window. And when I --- so I would ask her again wha---what’s was goin’ on, and she start --- she started talkin’ about the birds. She claimed that, that the birds out there, outside in the trees, were watchin’ her. And that's why she couldn't sleep. And, uh, well so I’d say, well, what’d, what do you me---what do you mean, the birds’re are watchin’ you, I mean, the birds [sound of car passing by] don't care what you're doin’, they're not, they're not payin’ any attention to you, they're goin’ about their own damn business…and, uh, so whaddaya mean, they're watchin’ you? And she was, “No, no, no, no, no, no, they're watching me, they're watching me.” And I didn-, I didn’t, I didn’t know what to say to that, so, I, you know, it kind of went on at that level for a while, but then it got worse, you know, she would, she would get really agitated, and she’wd start walkin’ around the room and sayin’, “Those birds are watching me. God damn it, Ezra, those birds are watching me.” And I --- y’know, it didn't matter what I said, it didn't matter what I did, I would, I would try to calm her down, I would ignore her. I would leave the hou---it didn't --- nothin’ worked. It just --- it didn't happen every morning, but --- it was startin’ to happen more and more and more often. And it got to the point where I started gettin’ a little crazy myself. I was feelin’ trapped. I me --- God damn, I was afraid to go to bed at night because I didn't know --- well, I did know, I did know what I was gonna see when I woke up in the morning. I was gonna find my wife sittin’ there at the window in a stare-down with the bleepin’ birds.
I got, uh, I got wound up real tight over this, if you wanna know the truth. And, uh, one day, I lost it. I lost it. She was, she was screamin’ at me, literally screamin’ at me, that those birds were watchin’ her. “Ezra. Ezra, you have to do something. The birds are watching me.” And I said, okay. Okay. You want me to do somethin’ about those birds? I'm gonna do somethin’ about those birds. And this is what I --- God, forgive me --- this is what I did. I got dressed, I went downstairs, went out into the shed, got my chainsaw, I fueled it up, and I went out into the yard, and I cut down every tree within…50 yards of the house, that side of the house, I cut ‘em down. Trees, bushes, I cut ‘em down. And then I came back into the house, with the chainsaw, Jesus --- that must have been a sight, poor woman --- I came into the into the house, with the chainsaw, and I said, all right, sweetheart, no more trees, no more birds, this is gonna stop.
Well, needless to say, my first wife and I didn't make it. She was not well. She never really got the help she needed, and I couldn't take it, so we ended it. [Beat.] But here's…here's the thing. And I'm not gonna try to make this a happy ending, okay, but I just, I just want to point out, ummmm, the irony, I suppose you could call it. I've got a nice big lawn out there now, where all those trees used to be. S’not the way I planned it, but it’s, it's, you know, turned out okay. I, uh, I dug out all those stumps, and I did a little landscaping, over the years, you know, a little bit more every year. And I got myself a nice John Deere rider mower, and I enjoy goin’ out there, and…mowin’ the grass…all that open space…no more trees…no more birds…no more crazy wife…just me and the lawn mower. [Beat.] Time’ll do that. Time can fix some things. Not everything, I'm not an idiot, but some things, time can take care of some things, so…we still got plenty of trees, there are trees all over the property, so that’s, that's not, that's okay. We got a nice lawn now.
James Alley Blues, fifth verse ---
If you don't want me, why don't you tell me so?
If you don't want me, why don't you tell me so?
‘Cause I ain’t like a man that ain’t got no place to go”
